How do you feel?

How do you feel?

When I’m feeling low, it’s really hard to answer the “How are you?” question. Most people, when they ask that question, are not looking for an actual answer. When the clerk at the grocery store asks me how I’m doing, she doesn’t exactly have the time to hear me list every single one of my problems. She’s paid to swipe my bag of Bolthouse carrots across the scanner—the “How are you?” is just polite. (Duh.) “How are you?” is simply the cultural acknowledgment of another’s existence. But when I’m depressed, being asked that question stings a little.

Continue reading “How do you feel?”

Anxiety and Amazon Prayers

My husband and I love Amazon Prime. We’d rather push a button and wait for two days for something to arrive at our door than drive fifteen minutes to pick that something up from the store that day.

Once, he decided to get me an Instant Pot for my birthday. (For all of those who don’t know, Instant Pot = amazing.) We joked that we were being too lazy lately, and we decided to actually get up and go to an actual store to buy it. But after going to three stores that were all out of the size we wanted, we ended up typing it in “search” and hitting “buy now.” So much easier! And, voila, we had it in two days just by tapping a few keys on the keyboard. My prediction is that Amazon will one day rule the world and you’ll have me to thank for that.

Sometimes I catch myself imagining prayer to be something like Amazon Prime.

Continue reading “Anxiety and Amazon Prayers”

Blog: Re-imagined

To my family and friends:

I’m sitting in the chair by my new bookcase, sipping some Corvus coffee while my fluffy pup, Beowulf, snoozes at my feet. I’ve been staring at my computer screen, wondering about how to start this post, and I’ve decided just to dive in.

As many of you know, I was diagnosed in 2013 with Bipolar I disorder. Since then, I’ve had three major episodes and what feels like a thousand mini ones. After the diagnosis, my life got turned upside down. I’d been a Christian my whole life, but I was, for the first time, confronted with some tough questions: Where is God in pain? Where is God in silence? And where in the world is God in mental illness?

These questions turned me away from my faith for a while. A long while, actually. I wallowed in my disbelief and turned, once again, back to disordered eating and an unhealthy body image. (Disordered eating = any kind of unhealthy relationship with food.)

Continue reading “Blog: Re-imagined”